(no subject)

[taishar_malkier]

It's early morning. Nynaeve is still asleep. This isn't a guess; he knows, now. Every moment, like breathing, he knows.

Dawn over the lake is slow, and misty, and beautiful.

Lan is sitting on a rock, cross-legged, his sword across his knees. In silence, he watches mist coil, and the sun drift upwards.

The ko'di is a meditation that isn't just for battle. He rests, timeless, breathing evenly, in the still center burned clean of emotion. His hands are loosely curled, and sharp eyes might spot a glint of gold in one hard-callused palm.

The silence and the stillness are, right now, very welcome.

Comments

[cutting_edgex23]

X is good at meditation, too.

But right now she's on her way back from a very early work-out, hair damp and curling ever so slightly.

Her trajectory changes when she sees Lan, though she doesn't interrupt.

She just settles within eyeshot, leaning up against a nearby rock.

Watching Lan.

Waiting.

It is still good to see him. He was gone a long time.

[taishar_malkier]

Lan knows she's there. Of course. The ko'di means being more attuned to your surroundings, not less.

But she's X-23, and he is who he is, and the morning is very still. They have never minded silence, either one of them.



So it's several slow, even breaths before his gaze shifts to her.

[cutting_edgex23]

She doesn't quite smile.

Not quite.





Or maybe it's just a trick of the early light, faint and almost fragile.

"You are okay."

Beat.

"Enough."

[taishar_malkier]

Lan inclines his head slightly.

If there's something of wry, ironic humor -- and if the harsh planes of his face are softer, less closed off, for a moment -- perhaps that, too, is only a trick of the light.

(Or perhaps not.)

[cutting_edgex23]

X slips a step or so closer, reaching out one hand to rest it on the rock Lan is sitting on.

"I have not died."

Beat.

"Since you left."

[taishar_malkier]

It's been months, for him. He knows she heals, but still -- especially now, with all that's so recent -- it takes him a blank instant to remember that death is temporary for her.

(It's not a fate he would ever want. Not even when he was younger and far more hopeful. He hopes, for her sake, that it won't be forever true.)

All the same: "Good," he says quietly, after that moment, and he means it.

Lan has never, never wished for death for his friends.

"You have been well?"

[cutting_edgex23]

"Yes."

Beat.

"I had a birthday party."

This pause is longer.

"And we stopped an alien invasion. At home."

She hesitates fractionally.

"And I have a fish."

[taishar_malkier]

Lan listens, in silence.

X's summaries tend to be... haphazard. Silence sometimes yields more information.

And he's interested.

(And this conversation -- all of this -- is so surreal, against yesterday, against the last several weeks, against everything. It makes him quieter than usual. He has less to say; he's alive, against all expectation, and he has no duty in this moment, and he feels drained of words.)

[cutting_edgex23]

X just keeps watching him, gaze steady and not uncertain at all.

"It was a present. From Duo."

Beat.

"And I have made arrests. Here. But not many."

She seems to think that is good.

Because the fewer people that get hurt, the better.

[taishar_malkier]

"Milliways has been quiet, then." There's a little bit of question in there, but mostly it's a statement.

This is good, to Lan, in a distant, half-real way -- like a memory, or someone else's tale of their own world -- but still. It is. On principle

(When you have never known peace except to dream, it becomes more than a talisman)

and for the sake of certain people here.

"How long has it been?"

[cutting_edgex23]

"Not a year," X says, after a long few moments of silence. She still doesn't keep as much track of time as most other people.

"But it has been close."

That much, at the least, she is very sure of.

The rest of it --

"It was that long for you?"

Some things X is not good at saying. Not at all.

[taishar_malkier]

Lan shakes his head.

It would be wrong to say her answer is a surprise -- the only thing Lan knows for certain about the speed of time at Milliways is that it makes no sense. Time outside and time inside have never been the same.

But -- still.

"Two months or so. A little less."

[cutting_edgex23]

X absorbs that, keeping to her own silence.

Then she pulls herself up onto the rock, mimicking Lan's posture.

There's enough space -- more than enough, even. She still has to look up at him, but the angle is significantly less pronounced.

"It has not happened to me. Like that."

[taishar_malkier]

"Nynaeve first came here months before I did. In our world, it was days at the most."

Time didn't match up for Moiraine, either. But that situation is more complicated, and in any case Lan doesn't want to talk about how Moiraine came to Milliways. Even obliquely.

Some things will always be complicated.

"It seems to always freeze for those who are here. Beyond that, I would not guess at the pattern."

There must be one. But he has no idea what it is. (And, to be honest, has higher priorities than figuring it out.)

[cutting_edgex23]

"It does not always freeze. For me. Except when I am Bound."

Beat.

"But it is slower."

It's a little tentative, that last bit. But only a little.

"She is okay? Nynaeve. She was tired before."

[taishar_malkier]

"Yes."

Lan's craggy, harsh-planed face will always soften fractionally in discussion of Nynaeve.

"She is sleeping."

"She wore herself out with weaves." The amount of healing she did would wear anybody out; the fact that it came right on the heels of the Last Battle, fighting Forsaken and Shadowspawn and fighting for the Dragon Reborn's life -- well.

It's not really a surprise that she's still asleep.

[cutting_edgex23]

"I do not know what those are."

Because somehow X doubts that Nynaeve got tired making cloaks. Or sweaters.

[taishar_malkier]

Did he never--

It's been too long. He's gotten back into the habit of using his own world's terminology. It's what he's known all his life, and it's accurate as no Milliways approximation can be, but it'll confuse people here just as always.

"Magic."

[cutting_edgex23]

"Oh."






Almost apologetically --

"I am not good at magic."

[taishar_malkier]

If Lan were someone else, he might look amused at that.

Alas, he's Lan, so he looks stonefaced.

"I have no talent for channeling either." He is really, really okay with that. "But a Warder learns the practical aspects."

He knows some of the theory, too. (Some of it just makes no sense to a non-practitioner -- especially outside Milliways, where one can't see weaves.)

[cutting_edgex23]

"I have asked John about magic. Before. And Tom."

Beat.

"It does not make sense."

This pause is longer.

"But it is useful."

And none of that is a question at all.

[taishar_malkier]

It makes sense to Lan, or at least his world's does. It's just that some of it is like trying to explain music to someone profoundly deaf. They might understand, but never in quite the same way as the one explaining.

But useful -- that he can agree with entirely.

(The gesture is not quite a nod, but it's Lan's Stoic Shorthand version of one.)

[cutting_edgex23]

That explanation is often true about X with so many things.

After a few long moments she tucks her knees up against her chest, resting her cheek on them.

It lets her see Lan better.

But she stays silent.

Breathing.

X has always been good at waiting.

[taishar_malkier]

So has Lan.

(The problem -- the one that keeps returning as soon as he lets it -- is what do you do when you've waited all your life for something, knowing it will be the end, and abruptly you're past it?)

He looks out across the lake again, for a long moment. This is not a cue to end the conversation, but the silence is comfortable. There's no need to fill it just yet.

The sun is above the horizon, now.

Strange how different it looks here, above tall mountains and a glittering lake, than above the Blasted Lands.

[cutting_edgex23]

X blinks once.

A few long moments later she blinks again.

There are things she doesn't understand, and then again there are the things she understands all too well.

Lan planned to die when he left. She remembers what it was to feel that way.

She also remembers what it was like to die.

And perhaps that is why she stays fixedly silent, watching him.

[taishar_malkier]

The sword still rests across his knees: plain hilt, plain scabbard, a simple tool.

Simple and ancient. The sword of Malkieri kings.

This beautiful morning -- green, spring-moist, untainted -- is a relief, and a reminder of everything.

I will lead you in this, he told his army. What does that mean now? What do his vows mean when their foundations have changed?

[cutting_edgex23]

It is, perhaps, good that Lan is not voicing these questions aloud.

X has no talent for philosophy, but her pragmatism is unrelenting.

She would not understand what he is so afraid of.

You do what must be done. He already knows that.

But X has no idea what he is thinking.

And her own thoughts --

They are, for the moment, extremely simple.

He is not dead. But he is not okay.

[taishar_malkier]

You do what must be done. Lan will never disagree with that. You make your choices, and you are as hard as you must be.

But he has never been less sure of what needs doing.

Time passes. Minutes, perhaps, before he says quietly to the horizon, "You know that I went to the Last Battle."

It's the kind of name that's self-explanatory.

[cutting_edgex23]

X flicks a sideways glance at him, but she doesn't seem startled.

Far from it.

"I know."

Beat.

"You thought you would die."

[taishar_malkier]

Lan, in his turn, doesn't seem surprised. Because he isn't.

X is blunt; X is also correct.

"It's over."

"The war," he says, to the horizon, "is won."

[cutting_edgex23]

"There will be another," X says, after a long silence.

"Even if it will not be the same."

Beat.

"It is good to be busy. For us."

[taishar_malkier]

"No. Not the same."

It's good. It's far, far better than good. And yet--

[cutting_edgex23]

"You can ask," X says, after a much longer pause.

"What it is like. Was like. For me."

X knows about repurposing her life. She knows a lot about it.

[taishar_malkier]

A slow breath in, and out; Lan's eyes slide sideways to her.

He doesn't ask, quite. And he knows it's different. But -- he's listening.

[cutting_edgex23]

X looks over and up, then shifts position so her legs are tucked against her chest.

It is more comfortable.

"It is not easy. To remember not to be a weapon."

Beat.

"To talk. Or to know why wanting to is good. And useful."

[taishar_malkier]

Lan remembers the girl he met once.

But hearing X-23's view of it now is different. Even though she's hinted at this before.

He's watching her more directly, now, and still listening in silence.

[cutting_edgex23]

X doesn't look away from him either, though she does shift position again, just a little. Just enough to rest her cheek on her upraised knees.

"But you were not made. Not like me."

Beat.

"You remember."

[taishar_malkier]

"I remember," he agrees.

He's not sure if she means his own childhood, or the time he met (probably) her here.

Either way, it's true.

[cutting_edgex23]

"So it will be different."

And, as Elle has done for her before, several times --

X leans, very carefully, until she can bump against Lan's shoulder. If he does not object, she will stay.

"For you. It is okay."

Beat.

"You will learn."

[taishar_malkier]

He's taken aback -- but he doesn't object.

(Lan's shoulder is pretty much solid muscle. Even without armor, it's probably not all that comfortable to lean against.

But that's not really the point.)




"I have stood against the Shadow," he says after a pause, "all my life. For thousands of years, we have fought that war. It killed Malkier. All I hoped was that we might win this battle, whether I lived to see it or not. That alone is what we fought for."

In a very real sense, this war has been his life.

To stand against the Shadow while iron is hard and stone abides. To defend the Malkieri while one drop of blood remains. To avenge what cannot be defended. That was, and is, his oath. Anything honor could countenance was worth doing, worth sacrificing, for that end.

"Now it is done. I have never thought of what comes after."

He's not asking for advice. Not from X-23; maybe not from anyone.

He's only saying this, to X-23 or himself or that glittering green lakeshore.

[cutting_edgex23]

"You can," X says, very carefully. "Now."

Beat.

"If you want."

Then she subsides into silence, as well.









"Nynaeve will help, too. It is good to have people."

[taishar_malkier]

Lan slants an expressionless glance down at her.

(Say a prayer for your dead, Moiraine Sedai, and ride on.)

"I know."

Which part that's to -- well. She can pick, maybe.

[cutting_edgex23]

"Okay," X says, looking up at him.

She doesn't say 'good'.

Because it's not.

But one day it will be. Maybe.

Someone can hope.